


getting high on humans

by sunlit_tea_leaves



Series: whatever your acronym [1]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Found Family, Gordon Freeman is an AI, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), Polyamory, Role Swap, Team as Family, canon-typical themes of unreality, hlvrai multiplayer au, holy fuck there's gonna be so much found family just y'all wait, the ocs are the players by the way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24290701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlit_tea_leaves/pseuds/sunlit_tea_leaves
Summary: Sometimes, it's a good idea to redefine the concept of being alive.In an alternate universe where Gordon's an AI and everyone else in the Science Team is human, they all know this intimately.
Relationships: Benrey & Bubby & Tommy Coolatta & Dr. Coomer & Gordon Freeman, Dr. Coomer & Gordon Freeman, Everyone & Everyone, Tommy Coolatta & The G-Man
Series: whatever your acronym [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796431
Comments: 175
Kudos: 765





	1. a heartbeat built like thunder

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Your Reality](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23900347) by [aes_hma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aes_hma/pseuds/aes_hma). 
  * Inspired by [acta non verba](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24124033) by [plastromeme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plastromeme/pseuds/plastromeme). 
  * Inspired by [Formatting Errors](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24594271) by [anurasally (Angelcroc)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelcroc/pseuds/anurasally). 
  * Inspired by [Final Boss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27068596) by [Mythyk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mythyk/pseuds/Mythyk). 



> edit: freaks (pro shippers, maps/nomaps, etc) dni. i dont want your support.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of gordon's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> story and chapter titles are from the song 'high on humans' by oh wonder

It was May 16, and Gordon was excited.

Recently Dr. Breen, the head of Black Mesa, had received one of the largest and most pure Xen crystal samples to date from an anonymous donor, and today they would be testing it. Gordon grinned to himself, almost skipping with how much bounce he put into each step. 

Today was going to be a good day, a historic one, and he had the honor of being the one to place the crystal into the beam.

He had just started walking down the hallway when the first odd thing in a long line of odd things happened.

“Hello?” Someone called out behind him. Gordon automatically turned to see a scientist he didn’t remember. They had a black mop of hair that looked like it’d once been styled, but then quickly ruffled by carelessness or the wind or both.

“Hello. What’s your name?” He asked politely. They looked older than him, but sounded younger because of how high pitched their voice was.

“My-my name’s Tommy! That’s what my friends call me!” They stuttered a little, but then flashed him with a million watt smile. “I want to show you something. Follow me!”

And with that they turned on their heel in one fluid movement and sprinted back down the hallway.

Gordon huffed and followed reluctantly. He was going to be late, but the scientist seemed harmless enough. It probably wouldn’t hurt to see whatever they wanted to show him. Probably.

They stopped in the break room and gestured excitedly at the billboard. 

“Tell me what it says, I can’t read it!”

They couldn’t even read a few announcements on a billboard, yet they were employed at Black Mesa? Gordon internally shook his head and looked at it only to immediately get a headache. He squinted at the words, but they blurred and seemed to run off the page as if he wasn’t wearing his glasses. 

Strange...but it didn’t matter. He needed to get ready for the test.

“I can’t read it either.” Gordon laughed sheepishly. “Guess I need my eyes checked. Are you getting ready for the test?”

“No, I’m on-on lunch break.” They said, fidgeting with their….hair? Their ear? They were fidgeting with something that Gordon couldn’t quite focus on right. 

“Alright! I’ll catch you later then.” He smiled and started walking away, only to catch a few faint words.

“I drink soda for lunch! :)” Tommy shouted cheerfully.

Gordon couldn’t help but snort at that. They were a bit strange, but they seemed nice enough. He walked down the hallway until he reached the locker room, which was thankfully much cleaner and better smelling than the locker rooms of his youth.

A scientist stood up quickly from where they had been crouched fidgeting the lock on their presumed locker fruitlessly. They gave him a friendly smile, which was hard to see from under their impressive mustache. 

“Ah, hello Gordon!” They said cheerfully, then held out their hand. “You don’t know me, so let’s change that. My name is Dr. Coomer.”

“Nice to meet you.” He smiled back and shook their hand. They had a weirdly strong grip. When Gordon got his hand back he tried to massage the feeling back into it as subtly as he could. 

“We may have never met in person before Gordon, but I’ve heard a great deal about you.” They said earnestly, gesturing with their hands as they talked. 

“Only good things I hope?” He half joked. They grinned at him.

“The best. You see my friend Jaden-erm, _Doctor_ Jaden, they-they think very, _very_ highly of you.”

“Well that’s good. I-” The test. He needed to get ready, he needed to get into his HEV suit. Gordon blinked at the sudden thought. He gave the scientist an apologetic smile before walking over to the storage area for the suits. “I’d talk more, but I need to get ready for the test. You understand.”

“Oh of course Gordon! As one scientist to another I understand very well.” There was an odd note to their voice now, but when he looked back their expression was the same friendly look. “Good luck with the test!”

The door shut with a soft sliding hiss as they left, and Gordon changed into the suit.

One thing Gordon would never get used to was how the hard soles of his boots clanked loudly as he walked. The noise sharp enough at times to make him wince a little. The metal corridor, unfortunately for his ears, was great with echoes at times. The steady _clack clack clack_ of his steps almost made him feel like he was wearing high heels.

_To be honest,_ He thought whimsically. _They’re probably closer to platform shoes, if platform shoes only gave you a couple of extra inches in the height department instead of several._

“Hey.” Gordon turned to see a security guard walking towards him, their face in shadow.

“Howdy?” He gave them an odd look. “What seems to be the problem, ah...sir...?”

They didn’t react to that at all, giving him an unreadable look.

“I’m going to need your, uh, passport?”

“My passport…?” Gordon said incredulously. “Why....why do you need that?”

“It’s company policy bro. You need it to go places.” The guard said, a smug lilt to their near monotone voice. “So. Passport?”

“Company policy?” There was a low sharp ache starting to build up in his temples, but Gordon ignored it in favor of continuing to stare down at the guard. “I don’t-when did that become company policy?”

They thought for a moment. “Just, uh, yesterday. It’s new.”

“Bullshit.” Gordon snapped, then immediately felt mortified. “Sorry, I just-I need to get ready for the test okay? So let me through. My company ID should work-”

“Nope. I need your passport.” 

What the fuck was this person’s problem? Gordon rolled his eyes and this time even his embarrassment about cursing at a security guard wasn’t enough to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“Look, you can pester me all you want about my passport _after_ the test, okay? Right now’s not a good time-” He tried to step around them, only for them to stop him with a hand on his chest.

“Can’t let you go through without your passport, otherwise my buddy over there,” They nodded at the other security guard still standing next to the eye scanner for the door. “He’ll get really mad and beat you up.”

Gordon squinted first at them, then at the other guard. He looked bored.

“Doesn’t look mad.” Gordon said, giving them a suspicious look. 

“He has a very good poker face.” They pointed at the other guard’s hands. “Look at his fists they’re _balled._ No, no happy person would ever have fists like those, bro.”

“Sure, _bro._ ” Gordon drawled, feeling less than impressed. “Real nice story. Now if you could-”

He tried to move past them, but they again blocked him. They sighed, long and drawn out.

“Keep that up and he really will beat you up.” 

“He’s not going to-”

“Oh no, he’s getting ready to punch you.” They said in monotone alarm, abruptly stepping away to stand in front of the other guard. Gordon was too transfixed by the train wreck happening in front of him that he didn't take advantage of their distraction to make a run for the door. “Hold on, I’ll calm him down.”

They started singing, blue balls of light streaming out of their mouth into the other guard’s face. He still looked bored. Gordon gaped at the both of them.

“What was that…?” He asked. The security guard looked just to the left of his face, not meeting his eyes.

“It’s just how we calm each other down.” They cleared their throat a little self consciously. “It’s the uh-the Black Mesa...Sweet Voice™.”

Gordon stared at them for a long moment, the gears in his head grinding to a halt as he tried to process what the everliving fuck this guard was trying to do. “Yeah, no, I’m not dealing with this today. Now could you _please_ -”

“Seriously, you don’t want to go to the test.” Was it his imagination, or did they look a bit concerned? “It’s not going to go well. Go home.”

“How do you know that?” Gordon couldn’t help but laugh incredulously at that. “You don’t know the future.”

“Actually-” They cut themself off and stepped off to the side finally. “Nevermind. Have a good, uh, test.”

He stepped forward through the door, but then stopped for a reason he couldn’t put a name to. Gordon turned to face the security guard with a frown and pushed down his growing anxiety about missing the test. “You’re just going to let me go? I thought you wanted my passport.”

“I did.” They said slowly, like he was an idiot for asking. 

“...Then why did you stop…?”

“Changed my mind.” They inspected their nails. Gordon saw red.

“What do you _mean_ you-” The door slid shut with a hiss, and from behind the glass he saw the security guard smirk and wave a little. He was about to open the door to give the guard a piece of his mind when-

He needed to get ready for the test.

Gordon swore something vile. He then turned on his heel and started to run, his suit clanking obnoxiously with every step.

_Shitty security and their stupid fucked up games, made me late for the second most important day of my life-_

He rounded a corner and crashed into someone. They both fell to the ground with a crash, the other scientist cursing loudly.

“WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING ASSHOLE!” They shouted angrily, picking themself up from off the floor. They adjusted their glasses and gave him what Gordon assumed was a glare, but honestly it was hard to tell because of how opaque the lenses were. He couldn’t see their eyes. “What the hell were you doing, running so fast?!”

“I-I was late-” He stammered. “Sorry about that, are you okay?”

They huffed, fussing with their balding white hair. 

“I’ll be fine, just watch where you’re running next time. I can’t-” Their face brightened just a little as the scientist looked over his shoulder. “Ah, security. I seem to be having a problem since _this_ ,” they gave him another glare, but this time with the addition of an evil little smile. “This _fucker_ knocked me over.”

“Oh God, please believe me it was an accident I swear-” Gordon stopped and gaped stupidly once he turned around. The same fucking security guard from before smirked up at him.

“Wow.” They drawled. “I shouldn’t have let you in. You’re already fucking it up.”

“Wh- _you again?_ ” 

“Yup.” They yawned theatrically. “Damn. Bet if you had your passport you wouldn’t have bumped into him.”

"That-that literally doesn't make sense!" With a low frustrated noise Gordon pinched the bridge of his nose. His headache from earlier was coming back in full force. "I don't-what is your _logic_?! In what world does having a passport magically stop me from knocking into him?"

"This world." They replied simply. The scientist Gordon had knocked over was now looking between him and the guard, looking excited at the brewing argument.

"Yes! _Fight_!" He cheered happily. Gordon ignored him. He sighed and dragged a hand down his face.

"You know what? Fuck this. You've made me so late for the test, but I'm not going to keep them waiting."

He walked off, muttering angrily to himself as he continued to ignore the now disappointed scientist.

Gordon stepped into the empty elevator and pushed the button. He then slumped against the wall and let out an annoyed groan, closing his eyes.

_What the fuck is up with everyone in the facility today? Tommy and Dr. Coomer were nice enough, but those other two-what's their problem?!_

He sighed again, the sound muffled because he had dropped his head into his hands.

"Wow. You're already tired? That's pretty lame." A voice said calmly into his ear.

Gordon screamed. He whirled around to see the _same fucking security guard_ rock back onto their heels, smiling.

“Don’t seem tired anymore.” They said with a smug look. Bastard.

“Fuck...you….” Gordon wheezed, clutching at his chest. “Where...how the _fuck_ did you even get in here…?”

They shrugged. “Same as you man, dunno why you’re so upset about it.”

“But...but I didn’t see you get on.” He straightened with some difficulty, feeling only marginally better. Gordon still felt too twitchy from the sudden adrenaline.

“That sounds like a _you_ problem.” There was silence for one blessed moment, then: “This elevator is slow.” They peeked over the edge of the lift. “Hm.”

Gordon frowned tiredly at them. “Don’t jump that. Save your legs the trouble-”

They jumped off and at the bottom a few seconds before the elevator finally came down. They turned to face him with a shit eating grin, then threw back their head and laughed mockingly before sprinting off.

Gordon sighed in frustration for what felt like the fifth time that day, and followed them.

“You know,” He said, jogging slightly. “Keep that up and you might break something. It’s not safe.”

“ _You’re_ not safe.”

“The fuck does that even mean-” The computer next to him exploded suddenly, hot sparks flying out and a few even landing in his hair. Gordon screamed and quickly batted them out. “ _Jesus_ what the _fuck_ is going on with today? First you give me shit-”

“Hey.” They gave him an offended look. He ignored them. 

“-and then shit like this happens. What will happen next, a Resonance Cascade?” Gordon laughed. The security guard didn’t, looking oddly pained.

“Oh hey. Look at that.” They said suddenly in monotone surprise, pointing over in the corner where a few scientists were clustered around another broken looking computer. There was blessed silence for a moment, then:

“HEY! Can someone get me a wrench in here?! And a flashlight, it’s dark as fuck in here!” A familiar voice shouted, from... _inside_ the computer…? Gordon walked over cautiously, only to jump back a little as a head poked out of it.

“Why are you in the computer? And how did you get down here so fast?!” Gordon said, wide eyed. The scientist he’d knocked over earlier gave him yet another of his infamous glares. 

“Why aren’t _you_ in the computer?” He said, unimpressed. “Unlike your lazy ass I’m trying to fix this! So fuck off!”

Behind Gordon, the security guard said quietly, “He does have a point.”

Gordon shook his head at the both of them and kept moving until finally they both stood just outside of the test chamber. He turned to face the guard with a frown.

“Okay, this is the part, where you _don’t_ follow me, okay?” He pointed at the blast door leading into the room. “If you go past these, _you will die_. Got it?”

They frowned back at him. “I have to follow you. It-you might steal stuff. Then I wouldn’t be able to do my, uh, job.”

“You don’t have a fucking-HEV suit! Your job is going to get you killed.” Gordon nearly growled. “So don’t follow me.”

He stepped through the doors and they slid shut behind him. He sighed in relief when he saw that he was the only one to step through.

“Good. They were an asshole, but they don’t deserve to die for it.” He muttered to himself. Gordon turned to the other scientists, a strained smile on his face.

“Sorry about being late, I was-”

They brushed past him, going on either side of the enormous blast doors of the chamber to use the eye scanners. 

“Just go right on in Gordon.” One of them said brusquely. “We’re running late enough as it is.”

“Be careful in there, alright?” The other scientist said a little nervously. “We’ve been getting some odd readings from the crystal, and you’ve seen the computers having troubles, they’ve been like that all morning-”

The first scientist cut them off. “He doesn’t need to hear it, it’ll all go smoothly, you’ll see.” They said, gentler than before. They nodded to Gordon as the doors started to grind open. “Good luck.”

“Thanks, I-” He stopped as the doors slid fully open. “What the _FUCK-”_

“Hey.” The _same fucking security guard who’d been giving him shit all morning_ stood in front of him calmly. “How’s it going.”

“IT’S GOING AWFUL WHY ARE YOU HERE?!” Gordon screamed. They paused for a moment, then smirked a little.

“Philosophy. _Nice._ Why are _you_ here?” They said like the brat they were. He growled and pushed past them into the chamber, getting a little _hey_ for his trouble.

“Look man-if you don’t get out of here now, there’s going to be a, a fucking-death in the workplace, alright?” Gordon snapped. He moved towards the ladder and the guard followed him, frowning a little.

“Was that a...a uh, threat?” They asked slowly, sounding a little offended. Gordon snorted, though less in amusement and more in a _I’m so fucking done with your bullshit_ way.

“No, dumbass-but when the sample meets the laser in the center of the room, on the off chance shit goes wrong you’re going to get fried. That’s why _I-_ ” Gordon tapped the center of his chestplate. “-Have this armor. Got it? Now get out.”

Without waiting for an answer he moved up the ladder, grumbling all the while to himself. Overhead, the speakers crackled to life. He startled as an annoyed scientist started talking.

“Gordon, are you paying attention? Turn on the rotors.” 

“Y-yeah, I got it!” He shouted back, pausing just a moment in his climb to give a thumbs up in the general direction of the observation booth. Had he really been so caught up in talking to the security guard that he hadn’t heard the speakers…? Jesus. He needed to focus.

Gordon reached the top finally. He walked over to the control panel and studied the flashing buttons for a moment.

“...It’s the big red one.” Someone said from behind him. This time however, Gordon only flinched a little, and looked over his shoulder to see the security guard staring at the flashing lights. Their eyes flickered up for a moment to meet his before going back down. “You were staring at it. I thought you, uh-you needed some help.”

Gordon narrowed his eyes at them for a long moment, long enough that they started to squirm a little, before mutely pressing the big red button. The rotors started to spin with hisses and the low grind of gears moving and locking into place.

“I knew that.” He said finally. 

“Mmhm.”

“I did!”

“I’m not...not disagreeing with you bro.” Their face said the opposite. Gordon rolled his eyes in annoyed embarrassment and turned away to watch the light show start up. Golden, flashing bolts of energy crackled and sparked loudly, and despite how pretty it was he found himself wishing he’d brought earplugs.

But if Gordon was honest with himself there was something…. _odd_ …about the whole day. The computers sparking, the golden light, and even the concerned scientists opening the blast doors for him….it felt... _familiar_. An overwhelming sense of deja vu, if he had to put it into words, but even that didn't quite seem to fit. It felt more like...like memories...? It was strange, and Gordon couldn’t make sense of it. 

And-wait. Was that... _smoke_? He looked to see black smoke start to pour out of the whirring machine.

“Hey, uh-what’s with the smoke? That’s not normal!” He shouted at the observation window, not truly expecting an answer as he started to climb down.

Gordon nearly lost his grip on the ladder when he heard a faint, “What do you _mean_ there’s smoke in there?! Don’t tell me you’re smoking in there Gordon!”

“What the- _Dr. Coomer_?!”

“Who else Gordon?” They shouted back cheerfully. “But really, I’m disappointed in you! It's very unprofessional and rude to smoke indoors Gordon! And don’t you know it’s dangerous to smoke? Think of all the concerns about lung cancer Gordon!”

“I-” He stepped off the ladder and laughed a little incredulously as he moved towards where the sample was set to rise up. “I’m not smoking in here Dr. Coomer! It’s the machine, I’m not-”

“Wow, blaming a machine?! That’s a new low for you.” A new voice chimed in. It was the scientist who’d been inside a computer last he checked. What was he-? “What next, are you going to beat up the coffee machine if it makes your shitty drink too hot?”

"N-no, that doesn't-I-" Gordon spluttered. "That doesn't make sense! Why would I be smoking in here?!"

"That's what I want to know Gordon!" Dr. Coomer yelled. Gordon couldn't help but burst out laughing at that.

"Gordon!" Yet another new voice yelled, high and clear but still faint and hard to hear. Why weren't any of them using the microphone? He wiped a tear away, calming down a little.

"Tommy? Tommy is that-" 

"TOMMY!" Gordon couldn't help but jump a little as the security guard called out, their voice cracking in an odd way. It sounded almost staticky...? "TOMMY!!"

"You know Tommy?" He asked curiously. They actually smiled at him for a moment before turning back to face the observation window. It made him feel fluttery, for some reason.

"Yeah. Me and him are buds." They said in a happy near monotone.

Tommy seemed to have been stunned into silence. A moment passed, then:

"Um...hi." He said shyly, so quietly, that Gordon had to strain to hear him. The guard didn't seem to have that problem however, since their smile only grew.

"Gordon!" Tommy shouted again, this time sounding no longer shy and a little annoyed to boot. "D-don't you see the next step?!" 

"What-? Oh. Oh! Sorry Tommy, I see it!" Gordon yelled back, quickly moving over to the sample cart. The Xen crystal was mounted on it already, and for a moment Gordon let himself stare.

It glowed, soft and buttery gold, and was the biggest and purest sample he'd ever seen. The crystal didn't have a single crack in it, and looked like it had been polished until it was as smooth and as shiny as glass, or as a cut diamond. Gordon was half tempted to touch it, and he would have happily kept staring if he hadn't been on the clock.

With a grunt, Gordon started to push it forward.

"Be careful Gordon! Wouldn't want you to explode!" Dr. Coomer yelled cheerfully.

"If you don't fucking hurry it up, _I'll_ fucking explode!" The scientist who had been inside the computer yelled.

"N-no! Don't go too fast Mr. Freeman! You have to go _slow_!" Tommy shouted.

And then, right before he gave the cart the final push it needed, a small, cut off sound.

" _Wait-_!"

Gordon stopped and started to turn to face the security guard, a question buzzing in his throat, when everything _shattered._

The strange familiarity came back in full force as the test chamber started to break into pieces. The golden laser beam practically _shrieked_ , soft yellow shifting into violent, angry shards of green energy breaking off and bursting apart like chain lightning in a thunderstorm.

Gordon froze, just for a second, mute from fear and eyes wide as he watched his world fall apart.

Then, like a switch was flicked, he unfroze.

"Oh fuck, oh _God_ -" A crackling arc of toxic green light came dangerously close to him, and he scrambled back with a cry. The speakers hissed, then came to life.

"GORDON! GET OUT OF THERE, IT'S ABOUT TO-" The scientist's terrified shouts were cut off abruptly as a bolt of energy arced through the open observation window with a thunderous crash.

" _FUCK_!!" He was panicking, everyone in there was probably _dead_ , or wishing they were, and he couldn't-he couldn't _breathe_ he couldn't _move-_

Behind him something whined, high and eerie. Gordon turned to see the beam of green light flash once, twice-

He had just enough time to throw up his hands in front of his face and scream before everything went black.

[loading...]

The first thing he felt was a stabbing pain in his chest and head. The first thing he heard was a low murmur of voices, quiet but excited. The first thing he saw was soft blue light reflecting off of metal.

_What...?_

Gordon passed out again.

[loading...]

Awareness came back slowly but surely, and he groaned as he tried to open his eyes. After a few tries, they obliged him.

Gordon stared up at the ceiling in a daze. Debris seemingly bounced up and down in a loop, and the odd gravity was doing no favors to his growing nausea. Above him, energy arced randomly throughout the room, and sparks hissed. In the background of it all, the alarm blared, loud and grating. Tinnitus rang in his ears, and he muzzily hoped it wasn't permanent.

With a hiss of his own, Gordon slowly got to his knees, then to his feet, swaying. His chest still hurt, and his head throbbed, but. Gordon glanced up at the observation window sadly. He'd gotten lucky. Others hadn't.

"Okay," Gordon lurched forward with a wince. "Okay, okay, okay. Focus Gordon. There were people in here earlier, three? Four...? Th-they can help, you'll be okay, you'll be okay...." He grimaced. "Hopefully."

He shambled unsteadily through the blast doors and into the hallways outside, his unease deepening with every step. Something was wrong about all of this.

The strange familiarity, the feeling of deja vu being so strong it felt almost like he was just remembering a slightly skewed memory, the way the people he had heard talking before waking up fully had apparently just left him laying on the ground-something wasn't right about all of it.

And then, a small part of the puzzle finally clicked.

The security guard. They had been uncomfortable nearly every time he had mentioned the test. Now that Gordon thought about it...hadn't they acted like they had _known_ the Resonance Cascade was going to happen?! 

Anger started to rise, as slow and as inescapably dangerous as floodwaters, and pooled red hot in his chest. His fists balled up at his sides.

That _bastard._

Quiet footsteps echoed in the corridor behind him, and he turned to see-

“ _You_ .” Gordon hissed with all the venom he could muster. He stepped forward, and vindictive satisfaction curled in his chest when the security guard took a small step back. “You knew! You fucking _knew_ but you-you just sat back and you-you let those people _die._ ”

They opened their mouth to speak, eyes wide, but he was in no mood to listen to anything they had to say. Gordon pushed them hard, and they stumbled until their back hit the wall.

“SHUT UP! I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO HEAR IT!” Gordon snarled, a wild look in his eyes. Something warm and wet ran down his face, and he wiped it irritatedly only to pause when he saw exactly what was now on his hand. Blood. When…? He closed his eyes in an attempt to gather his scattered thoughts. It was hard to focus, there was a sharp headache building up. Gordon uselessly tried to massage it away.

“Okay, let’s start over.” He said in a low, dangerous voice. “Who are you and how did you know what was going to happen?”

The security guard shifted against the wall nervously, trying and failing to keep a poker face.

“...Benrey.”

“What?”

“It’s my name, bro.”

“Your-” Gordon cut himself off with a frustrated sigh. “Okay, _Benrey_ . Who are you, and how the _fuck_ did you know what was going to happen?

It was hard to tell with the shadow their helmet cast across the top of their face, but he could’ve sworn they looked...guilty?

“H-huh?”

“Huh? HUH? THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN “huh” YOU-” Gordon felt...odd, and abruptly cut himself off. He backed away, blinking as his vision started to blur together, much like it had earlier when he’d looked at that billboard, in the break room with Tommy-In the corners of his vision, he thought he saw flickers of color, flashing sporadically before winking out. Almost like...like it was glitching... “You-”

[ERROR]

[rebooting…]

“Hello Benrey!” He said with a smile. He...remembered feeling angry, furious even, but...he couldn’t remember why. Gordon frowned down at the security guard in front of him, who looked scared for some reason. “Are you alright?”

Benrey stared at him with wide eyes, then sagged against the wall.

“Jesus.” They dragged a hand down their face, mumbling all the while. “The fuck was that?”

“What was what?” He tilted his head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“...Nothing.” Benrey waved it off. “I... _we_ should keep going. Find the others.”

They started walking away, and Gordon followed them deeper into the chaos that had become Black Mesa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh first chappie!! :D


	2. we're making waves of conversation, got a rush of energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gordon suffers from both the shenanigans of the science team and from his code induced headache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is once again from the song high on humans by oh wonder!

There was an awkward, somewhat tense silence as they both walked down the corridor, and for the life of him Gordon couldn’t figure out why. His head pounded fiercely, and his memory was fuzzy on what exactly had happened right after the Resonance Cascade, but before it his memories were fine.

The security guard-Benrey-had been a cocky asshole before, always poking fun at his expense. Now they couldn’t even look at him, and seemed to be playing keep away from him…? Gordon could understand avoiding his eyes, since he often had trouble meeting other people’s eyes himself, but always making sure there was distance between them, and looking spooked every time he so much as coughed, or stepped in their general direction? There was something wrong about that.

It was starting to wear on his own frayed nerves, and there was another thing he didn’t understand. Why was he so angry? Why did he feel so, so _furious_? His teeth hurt from grinding together and his fingers ached from balling themselves up into tightly balled fists. Gordon relaxed his aching jaw for what felt like the fifth time.

He didn’t understand anything going on, and it bothered him.

But...they both were probably just on edge because of the Xen crystal sample potentially causing the apocalypse, and possibly heralding the end of human civilization as they both knew it. Yes, that had to be it. 

The alarm blared distantly but painfully against his ears, and for a while that was the only thing Gordon heard until a faint sound came up.

"Hey!" Someone said, far off and distant. He stopped. Was someone else still alive in there? Was there another survivor..?

"Did you hear that?" Gordon whispered to Benrey. They hesitated for a moment.

"...Hear what?" They replied just as quietly.

"ME MOTHERFUCKERS!" Someone shouted very, _very_ loudly behind them. Gordon screamed and Benrey gasped, both jumping back and whipping around.

The scientist who had been inside the computer earlier cackled.

"You should have seen the looks on your faces!" He wiped a tear from behind his opaque glasses. "It was fucking hilarious."

"Hey, fuck you!" Gordon growled. "What's your problem?!"

"My problem is that you're such a straight laced stick in the mud!" He shot back, a shit eating grin on his face. Gordon pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed in frustration.

“And why wouldn’t I be? Everything down here is fucked, all because of one experiment gone wrong and I- _wait._ ” He froze, the icy realization making him snap his eyes open. “With everything going wrong down here….what’s going on upstairs?”

The scientist shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t know. The only reason I’m still down here is because I was bored.”

“ _You were_ -okay no, I’m not going to think about that.” He growled and moved past them. “I’m going to look for more survivors.”

“Wow, rude.” The scientist muttered. Gordon ignored him, and kept moving. With the emergency lights switched on, the hallways were bathed in an eerie red glow, and it was dark enough that Gordon couldn’t see well. He stepped forward, and promptly tripped on something and fell.

He heard muffled laughter behind him. Gordon turned to glare at the both of them, then froze as he saw what exactly he’d tripped on. The dim lighting paired with the emergency red lights had made it hard to see, but….it wasn’t too dark that he couldn’t see the dead eyes staring vacantly, or the growing dark puddle on the floor.

“Oh my god, he’s dead!” The scientist from the computer said, sounding surprised. At his voice Gordon snapped out of it and quickly scuttled backwards until his back met resistance. He looked up. Benrey looked down, looking a bit uncomfortable.

“Dude. Are you-why are you touching my feet? ...You got a thing for that?” A ghost of their familiar smirk hovered on their face for a moment. Unfortunately for Benrey’s face, Gordon was a skilled ghostbuster.

“What the fuck?! A person is dead on the ground and you’re making _feet jokes_?” He snapped, scrambling to his feet so he could glare down at them. They flinched at that, the spooked look from earlier coming back in full force. Gordon almost felt bad. Almost.

“Sorry.” They muttered. The scientist besides them gave Benrey a strange, almost confused look.

As Gordon turned back around with anger and fear still flooding his brain in equal measure, he thought he heard the scientist say very faintly, “pussy”, but it might have been his imagination. Either way, he didn’t care.

The alarm continued to blare as they moved, and the broken computers made a sort of scratching sound that grated on Gordon’s already shattered nerves. He saw blood on the walls, and broken bodies on the side. He didn’t check for a pulse, because a small part deep inside knew it was already too late for them. He didn’t know how he knew that.

There was incoherent chatter in the distance, echoing eerily off of the walls. As they all kept moving, the swearing gradually became loud enough to be understood.

“Oh this damned old thing-if it was shitty before the explosion, it’s absolutely _horrific_ now!” A familiar voice said cheerfully.

Gordon rounded the corner to see the observation room, which was as wrecked as everywhere else. Computer insides and machinery and debris were strewn across the room, with blood staining the floor and an unmoving scientist hunched in the corner. His boots squelched unpleasantly. Dr. Coomer stood by a board filled with blinking buttons, seemingly pushing them at random. Next to them, just barely missing their head and grazing their frizzy white hair, shot green energy from the broken laser in the test chamber.

“Dr. Coomer!” Gordon stepped forward cautiously, his hand held out to try and beckon the scientist away. “Oh God-you need to fucking _move_ , you are _very_ close to dying-!”

They held up a hand, not looking up. “Hold on just one moment Gordon, I’m very close to reconfiguring this.” Dr. Coomer began to stroke their impressive mustache, lost in thought as the green bolt of energy once again barely missed their head, singeing a few strands of their hair. He knew because he could smell it. He wondered how they were so cavalier about it. They then looked up at Gordon.

“I’m very close to rewiring the broadcasting network, so if this works I can send out a distress signal to the rest of the facility at worst and to the rest of the world at best! Now if I press this button here-” Coomer stared at the panel, then hunched over it and tapped it. There was an electronic boop, and for a moment, nothing seemed to happen. Then Coomer stepped back, narrowly missing the green energy of death yet again with a frustrated noise.

“Oh fiddlefucks! I don’t wish to alarm you, but it seems the communications grid is down all across the network! We are on our own my esteemed peers.”

Gordon opened his mouth to speak, but the scientist from inside the computer beat him to it.

“Excuse me, but-did you just say ‘fiddlefucks’?” He asked, sounding scandalized. 

“I did indeed.” Coomer grinned proudly. They then buffed their nails against their coat. “I’m very proud of that word! Fiddlefucks!”

The scientist let out a groan. “Why? Why are you like this?”

“Why not, my good bitch?” Coomer laughed.

“...It’s things like this that make me wonder why we’re together,” The scientist sighed good naturedly in defeat. It was interesting, seeing their easy familiarity. Gordon wondered inwardly if they were good friends.

“Are you two good friends?” Gordon wondered outwardly. 

They both reacted instantly.

“Yes-”

“No-”

They stopped to look at each other.

“Well…” The scientist from the computer began awkwardly, rubbing his arm. He sounded uncharacteristically shy. “She-I mean, uh…. _he’s_ my…”

“We’re partners!” Coomer piped up. Gordon cocked his head in confusion.

“Partners?” He echoed.

“They’re in love, dumbass.” Benrey said quietly. Gordon turned to see them inspecting their nails just a little too hard to be casual. “Don’t uh...don’t tell me you’re Home of Phobic…?

The room seemed to hold its breath waiting for him to answer. Even the crackling energy from the broken reactor seemed to quiet down to listen. It was a decidedly odd feeling.

“...I’m not scared of homes?” Gordon said finally, feeling even more confused. “I dont-what the fuck does housing have to do with them?”

Benrey laughed nervously. “Bro, you-you’re kidding, right? You know, homophobia…? Hating gay people…?”

Gordon squinted at them. “I…”

[loading…]

“Oh!” It all finally clicked, and Gordon was hit with the sudden urge to sprint away screaming. He didn’t because he still had some tattered shreds of his dignity left, but he did scrub a hand over his face in a futile attempt to hide his now red face.

“I-urgh. Okay. No, I-I’m not homophobic.” He stuttered. “I just-I just fucking forgot, okay? Just for a moment.”

“You forgot what homophobia was?” The scientist asked incredulously. Coomer dramatically wiped a tear away and looked off into the distance as the green bolt of energy narrowly missed him yet again. 

“I wish _I_ could say the same, Gordon.” He said wistfully.

“I-I’m _very_ stressed right now! And I tend to be forgetful when I’m stressed, okay?!” Gordon said loudly, very nearly shouting at this point. Benrey shifted, then gave him a hesitant but still shit eating grin.

“Forgetful huh? Do you...uh, do you still remember what ‘gay’ means? Do you….” They trailed off for a moment and looked away, looking embarrassed and nervous but still determined to go on with whatever terrible joke they were setting up. “Do you want help in um..want me to help you remember?”

A distant part of Gordon’s suddenly stupidly flustered brain noted that at least now they didn’t seem nervous because they were scared of him, but was now nervous because they were _flirting_ with him.

He turned away from them with a strangled noise, praying to every higher power that he could think of that no one had caught a glimpse of how red his face had become. Tragically, whatever was running the universe hated him.

“Oh my God, are you _blushing_ ?” The scientist crowed in delight. Gordon made another strangled noise and dropped his head into his hands, hoping against all odds that somehow, the scientist would magically shut up and no one else would see his red face. “Oh my God, you _are_!”

“He is…?” Benrey asked. Gordon chanced a peek between his fingers to see them staring at him with a dumbstruck face. He immediately buried his face into his hands even more, feeling weirdly fluttery.

“He is!” The scientist sounded like he was going to die of laughter. Meanly, Gordon half hoped he would.

“I-we don’t have time for this!” He half hissed, half choked out the words. They came out muffled because he was still hiding his face, but Gordon didn’t care. The more of his dignity that was saved, the better. “We need to get to the surface, not fucking-harass me!”

“The surface will always be there Gordon, but matters of the heart are far more important to deal with!” Coomer exclaimed. He opened his arms wide like he was some sort of excited preacher, or even worse, was about to give Gordon a hug.

“Now why don’t we all sit down and talk about our feelings?” He said in an annoyingly soothing voice. Immediately everyone but Gordon sat down, their legs criss crossed. “Gordon? How are you feeling?”

“Pissed! We’re wasting time!” He nearly shouted. Coomer tutted, and for a wild moment Gordon was reminded of elementary school.

“Now Gordon, tending to your emotions isn’t a waste of time! In fact, it’s paramount to good mental and emotional health!” Coomer explained. Gordon’s headache returned with a vengeance, and he started to tug on his hair with a grimace.

“Dr. Coomer-I feel that my mental and emotional health would be _much_ better if we all headed to the surface right fucking now.” He practically growled. At his outburst, Coomer beamed.

“Very good, Gordon! You’ve expressed your feelings well!” He said proudly. He looked around at the rest of the circle eagerly. “Who want to go next?”

Bubby hunched over a little more, and across from him Benrey looked up. They’d been tapping on their helmet to a rhythmic beat, and they looked like they hadn’t been paying attention at all.

“...Huh?”

“Ah, so good of you to volunteer like that.” Coomer smiled. They squinted at him in confusion, and Gordon huffed angrily as he leaned against the wall.

“...What?” 

“Tell us how you’re feeling!” Coomer said, leaning forward a little as he gestured. Benrey thought for a moment.

“Well…” They started slowly in their usual near monotone. “It’s...I feel good. I uh-helped with the Gay Agenda today...and it feels good.” They finished. Coomer nodded solemnly. Gordon looked back and forth between them.

“The ‘Gay Agenda’? What?” He asked. Benrey hesitated, then smirked again, looking only the smallest bit embarrassed.

“Bro...did you already forget our little homo moment _already_? Damn...that’s pretty cringe.” They wiped away a mock tear. Gordon could almost feel his blood pressure rising.

“ _You_ -okay, no.” He turned his glare from Benrey to the scientist from the computer. “Okay, hurry up and share your feelings so we can leave. I’d like to-wait, what the fuck’s your name again?”

“I thought you didn’t want to participate.” He said like the asshole he was. Gordon glared more at him.

“I did! I still do! But since you guys probably won’t come with me unless we fucking finish this, I will _grudgingly_ be a part of this shit. Now hurry up and answer!”

“Aww, are you scared of going up all by yourself?” The scientist mocked. “Are you going to fucking cry you crybaby? Huh?”

“Yes! I-I mean, no! But I am scared of going up alone, okay?” Gordon snapped. “Now stop fucking around the question and tell me your stupid name!”

The scientist crossed his arms with a huff as he looked away. “I...I don’t remember, okay? I, uh hit my head when the...explosion happened.”

Gordon burst out laughing at that. It was a mean laugh.

“Yeah _right_. I’m tired of you-of everyone, really! Of everyone dicking around so much, so just tell me your name, you fucking know it don’t lie to me.” He said, still laughing a little as he placed a hand on the scientist’s shoulder. 

“Okay fine! My name is...umm...mmmb...Bubby.” He said finally. Gordon started laughing again, but this time it was incredulous. 

“Bubby?” He echoed. “Wh-that’s your name?!”

“Yes, Bubby. That’s my name.” The scientist- _Bubby_ -glared at him. “Now stop laughing!”

“That’s definitely not your name..but that’s okay! That’s okay.” Gordon said, still laughing a little as he patted Bubby’s shoulder one last time and pulled away. He stood up and stretched. “Can we go now-”

“Now don’t be impatient Gordon, Bubby still hasn’t told us how he feels.” Coomer said. Gordon groaned as Bubby thought for a moment.

“I feel that...Gordon’s a little bitch crybaby.” He said with a smug little smile. Gordon rolled his eyes with an annoyed huff as Coomer clapped enthusiastically.

“Okay, _now_ can we-” Gordon started, only for Benrey to fucking shush him like they were in grade school.

“Wait bro, sh-uh, he still hasn’t gone yet!” They pointed at Coomer. Gordon sighed in defeat as behind him the green arc of energy crackled. It was strange how he’d gotten so focused on the brain rot in front of him that he’d almost forgotten that was there.

“Okay Dr. Coomer...how do you feel?” He asked tiredly. His head was fucking killing him, as it was really pounding now.

Coomer thought for a moment, then shrugged.

“Other than my soul crushing terror and panic at this situation we’ve found ourselves in, I feel normal!” He said nonchalantly.

Then, before Gordon had the chance to fully process what he had said, Coomer leapt up and ran out of the room. “Come on, let’s get out of this dreary place!” He whooped, and quickly Benrey and Bubby had leapt up too and oh-

Huh. Okay.

“Come on slowpoke, let’s _go_!” Bubby yelled faintly in the distance. Gordon cursed and went to follow them, ducking underneath the green bolt of death and running through some empty hallways.

He found them all huddled in a corner around a sparking computer. They were muttering and laughing about something, and then Coomer saw him and waved with a smile.

“Ah! There you are Gordon! What took you so long?” He asked innocently. Gordon, still panting from running around in his heavy HEV suit, gave him an exasperated look.

“What do you think took me so long?” He said, gesturing to his suit. “I-Couldn’t you have all just waited? You’re all so fucking fast!”

From behind Coomer Benrey poked out their head, looking confused.

“Oh whoa.” they said in monotone surprise. “You’re finally here? You’re so slow dude. Like a, a..uh…”

“A turtle?” A familiar voice asked from behind Gordon. He saw a glimpse of Benrey’s face shift from apathetic to happy surprise before he turned to see Tommy. Other than having slightly messier hair, he looked to be in pretty good shape considering there had been an explosion that had killed and injured almost everyone Gordon had seen so far.

“TOMMY!” Benrey yelled happily. Gordon flinched at the volume.

“Jesus, not in the ear!” He snapped. They actually looked genuinely apologetic at that.

“Sorry bro.” They said, then turned back to Tommy. “Tommy!”

Tommy grinned. “Benrey!”

“To-”

“Okay that’s enough.” Gordon quickly cut in, running a hand through his hair. He then ignored Benrey as they pouted. “It’s good to see you again Tommy, I fucking-I was worried, okay? A lot of shit’s been happening.”

“Yeah..” Tommy frowned, then smiled reassuringly at him. He had a very pretty smile, Gordon couldn’t help but notice. “B-but don’t worry Mr. Freeman, we’re o-kay! My friend and I met up after the explosion.”  
“Your friend?” It was Gordon’s turn to frown a little.

“He meant me.” A new voice piped up, albeit a little uncertainly. 

Tommy stepped aside to reveal a scientist much shorter than him. Then again, everyone was short compared to Tommy. He was a giant. The scientist had streaks of gray shot through their short afro and had a nervous look on their dark brown face. For some reason Gordon couldn’t explain, there was something off about them. They looked...stiffer. Less fluid than Tommy and Benrey and the rest of the motley crew Gordon had encountered. Their hands were balled up into fists at their sides, much like the hands of the guard who’d had the misfortune of being partnered with Benrey…

Gordon internally shook his head. Now wasn’t the time to start making weird theories, now was the time to focus and get out of Black Mesa alive.

“Hello, what’s your name?” He asked, since it was probably best in situations like these to know the correct name to scream in the middle of a crisis.

“I’m Darnold, head of the, uh Mixology Department!” They said proudly. It was odd, but they barely moved when saying that, their expression staying blank and their mouth hardly moving. _They probably just don’t emote that much, stop overthinking this Gordon._

“Wait-your name is Darnold? That’s not a real name.” Bubby snorted. They made an offended noise.

“You’re one to talk, _Bubby_.” Gordon teased. Darnold started to laugh as Bubby made an offended noise of his own.

“It’s a real name!” He snapped, looking embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s-It’s the first thing I said after I came out of my, erm, test tube!”

Gordon blinked. He stared at him. “You’re fucking with me man.” He said finally. “Black Mesa-it does that? It has fucking-test tube babies?!”

“This place is _old_ Gordon.” Bubby said in a sing-song way. “Older than you, you five year old baby.”

“What the fuck-I’m not that young! I am a full grown man!” Gordon spluttered. Bubby rolled his eyes with a sort of meanly triumphant grin.

“That’s exactly what a baby would say,” he sniffed. “You’re proving my point.”

“I-” Behind Gordon, Darnold cleared their throat awkwardly.

“Hey uh, we can debate about your age later, but first can you tell me what happened here?” They asked, shuffling their feet. “I need to know what potions to start mixing in order to fix this. Because I’m the uh potion master. Master of potions.”

“Well you see, our little Gordon had an accident in the test chamber today.” Coomer said kindly. Darnold nodded as Gordon furiously shook his head.

“What?! _No_! Don’t make it sound like I wet the fucking _bed_!” Gordon yelled, gesturing wildly with his hands as his face turned red with embarrassment yet again. “I’m not fucking five years old?! I’m not a baby!”

Coomer sighed and looked off into the distance with a fond smile, their eyes twinkling as they slapped an arm across Gordon’s shoulders, who grunted at the force of it. Coomer was much stronger than he looked.

“Oh we love our little Gordon!” He said happily. Benrey, who had been quietly watching everything go down with Tommy, burst out laughing. 

“Damn, guess you’re the, the baby of the group now bro.” They snickered. “Top ten cringe baby moments.”

Tommy started laughing too now, a sort of hiccuping laughter. It was kind of cute.

“Oh no, do we need to get you some-uh, diapers?” He joked. 

Gordon rolled his eyes as the odd soft feeling from before fluttered in his gut at the sound of their laughter.

“Yeah, yeah.” He grumbled half heartedly as the rest of the group started to laugh as well. “Laugh it up, but we should keep moving, look for survivors. Who knows? We might not be the only ones here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sldkfjsd i'll try and post more often? maybe once a week? but no promises!
> 
> edit: coomer’s player uses she/they pronouns, that’s why there was a bit of fumbling pronoun wise in this chapter


	3. now i'm locking eyes with a silent stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some things are established, and gordon gets a scare. or two. or three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from: you guessed it! high on humans by oh wonder :D also HI its been a while huh. to all you old timers thank you for sticking around i really appreciate that :D. to all you newcomers welcome! hope u enjoy :>

“Who knows? We might not be the only ones here.”

Gordon had said those words only several minutes ago, but those several minutes were enough to give him Some Doubts. 

The facility, at least on this level, was in shambles. Gordon found himself wishing for a pair of earplugs, headphones or hell, some torn cloth to block his ears as the alarm blared incessantly. He grimaced and rubbed at his ears, wondering why no one else was as affected as him. Was he just that sensitive? Or did they just not care?

Seeing the almost callous way Dr. Coomer hopped over a dead scientist, Gordon guessed the latter. It was...concerning, how much they weren't affected by all of this, but Gordon decided to worry about that later. There was always time to reflect on this horrifying new development in his life later.

Emergency lights painted the hallways with a redness that, in another time and another place, would have Gordon gaping like a fool at how pretty everything was. What could he say? He was a sucker for pretty lights and shiny things. Gordon snorted. Call that the corvid instinct-

“What are you laughing about, nerd?” Gordon jumped as a hand landed on his shoulder with a quiet, tiny little scared noise.

“What the fuck was that noise? You a chew toy or something?” Bubby poked at Gordon’s cheek with a shit eating grin. “You’re so jumpy!”

Gordon tried to brush off his embarrassment of being startled so easily with a cross between a snort and a huff. Because he didn’t decide which noise to make in time, he ended up making a very odd noise. Bubby laughed even more. Gordon scowled and shrugged off Bubby’s hand, stomping away. His boots clacked against the floor, echoing oddly.

“Well no SHIT I’m jumpy, man!” Gordon laughed, in part out of hysteria and in another part out of genuine amusement. “Who WOULDN’T be jumpy when the fucking--apocalypse is here!”

[error]

[partial memory corruption]

[beginning restoration... 2% loaded]

Gordon paused. He felt...strange. Like he was forgetting something. Oh well, probably wasn’t that important. “I don’t-what even was that? The, the green explosion and all.”

Bubby snorted. “I don’t get jumpy!” He puffed out his chest. “I never get scared-why? Because I’m PERFECT you little un-pogchamp! Fuck you!” Bubby paused, then gave Gordon a weird look. “...You don’t know what happened?”

“Well, no! Not really,” Gordon laughed like a fool and ran a hand through his hair somewhat anxiously. “I-should I have known?”

“...What happened was a Resonance Cascade.” Bubby still had that weird look on his face. Like Gordon had said something utterly out of character-which was odd, considering how they’d literally only met an hour or so ago. “You should know that.”

“Wait, so _that’s_ what it’s called?” Gordon asked incredulously. The words ‘Resonance Cascade’ stuck with him oddly. He imagined the words forming hands and clinging to the folds of his brain desperately, refusing to fade into oblivion. For the life of him, Gordon couldn’t figure out why it was sticking so hard. It made his headache pulse. He grimaced. Rubbed his temples with gloved fingers, then looked back at Bubby with a somewhat pinched expression, brows knitted together. 

“Why should I know what that is?” He asked, and Bubby once again gave Gordon an odd look, face twisting further into a confused scowl.

“Why should-your research is the whole damn reason why this project even STARTED!” Bubby said. 

“Not quite my good bitch!” Coomer piped in. He was staring intently at a wall as he said this. Gordon couldn’t understand what he was trying to accomplish. “Dr. Pussy’s work in studying the harmonic resonance of Xen crystals, while instrumental, was not the reason why this project of getting in Xen was started!”

[69%]

“I… guess I did.” Gordon said, feeling a bit unsure.

The longer he thought about it, the more sure he felt. He-yes, he’d been so excited this morning to try out the crystal and collect the data to examine later. He’d been looking forward to analyzing it later, and studying the rhythm and pattern of it… how had he forgotten so quickly? He shook off the uneasy feeling with a little roll of his shoulders. 

“Do you remember now?” Bubby asked. Gordon nodded, and the other scientist grinned triumphantly. “Good for you. Fucking-pog, I guess.”

“What is that?” Gordon asked, and suddenly everyone was giving him wide eyed looks. Why were they all staring at him like that? He felt his face flush with the embarrassment that came with being the center of attention, and tucked his head a bit further down so it was more hidden by the collar of the HEV suit. Like an awkward human turtle, haha.

“Mr. Freeman, you don’t know what pog means?” Tommy asked curiously. He then waved his hands in the air at Gordon’s expression, looking sheepish. “Sorry if that’s rude! I’m just-surprised.”

“Honestly I’d be more surprised if he did know.” Darnold murmured, so quiet that Gordon almost didn’t catch what they said. He scowled. What was _that_ supposed to mean? 

“Well? What does ’pog’ mean?” Gordon asked a little impatiently. He felt antsy, like there was a knot of anxious energy building in his core. They should have been progressing and yet they were talking about a fucking-frog relative, or something. He wasn’t sure, and honestly didn’t care.

“Yooo you sound like a boomer bro.” Benrey chuckled and before Gordon could ask what the hell a boomer was Coomer piped up and probably saved the whole group from yet another distracting line of conversation.

“Pog! An erroneous folk etymology states that ‘Pog’ stands for **‘play of the game** ,’ as the term is commonly used within the video game streaming community. It’s generally a term used to express excitement at a job well done! Of course usually the job in question is beating a particularly hard boss to kill in a game, or just overcoming a difficult puzzle, but pog can be said as a term of excitement for just about any wonderful thing!” Coomer grinned at Gordon and gestured with his hands as he talked, using the gestures to highlight what he was talking about. 

At least, that’s what Gordon thought he was doing. He wasn’t sure. Coomer’s hands were going all over the place- and there was even a moment where it looked like his hands stretched… too far to be normal. It made something deep in Gordon’s brain shiver, and echo of wrongness. Before he could think on that anymore though, Coomer kept talking, and Gordon forgot. Was Coomer even pausing and remembering to breathe as he talked? That couldn’t be healthy. 

“-and that’s exactly what ‘pog’ means!” Coomer finished with a proud look, and Gordon abruptly tuned back in. Fuck. He hadn’t been paying attention… but it wasn’t worth it to ask Coomer to repeat all that. Gordon couldn’t suddenly couldn’t bear the thought of staying here for another moment.

“Okay that sounds, sounds-” Gordon bounced on his heels and started to flap his hands just from the sheer need to vent all that impatient energy that had built up while Coomer had been rambling. “Sounds, erm, p-pog! Now let’s get the fuck out-”

“Did you say pog?!” Tommy gasped, and Gordon exhaled out forcefully through his nose before turning with a strained smile back to Tommy. 

“Yes! Yes I did so can we PLEASE-”

“Not yet Gordon! This is a momentous occasion! We should celebrate you saying your first pog!” Coomer’s brilliant, almost blinding smile dimmed a little. “It’s too bad that we don’t have cake to celebrate. Oh well!”

Gordon seized his chance.

“W-well there’s cake! On the SURFACE!” He said desperately. Good god, what was _wrong_ with these people? Why were they so much more hung up on him saying some, some stupid fucking word than they were on making it out of here alive before the ceiling collapsed in on their heads?! “So-why don’t we go _there_ , and um-get some cake!”

Coomer considered this, taking up an exaggerated thinking pose.

“Well.. I DO like the sound of a good cake..!” He mused. Gordon could have cried with relief. Finally, they were going to be _properly_ going-

“But the cake’s a lie!” Bubby said with a shit eating grin. 

He sounded incredibly proud of himself. He then looked over Gordon’s head and made an interesting noise, expression twisting into something scared. “Oh SHIT more of the little beasties!”

“What are you-” Gordon turned expecting something simple. Maybe bugs or moths or something small like that. What he was _not_ expecting was a fucked up little thing looking like-like a fucking mutated dog. The thing hissed at them and then fucking leaped into the air, and both Bubby and Gordon ducked with a scared, startled noise.

Gordon went right, Bubby went left, and the weird fucking thing soared over the both of them with a screech. Gordon felt one of its claws brush his hair as he dived.

He rolled gracelessly, then scrabbled away as the thing righted itself and screeched, claws waving as it got ready to jump again. Then suddenly there was a bang, and Gordon flinched. When he looked up, Benrey was standing between him and the thing-when had they gotten there? He hadn’t heard them move-with an almost comically large gun resting in their hands. The end was smoking a bit. Gordon stared wide eyed. 

“Wh-what the fuck was that?!” Gordon spluttered. The security guard turned around, hands empty.

“Huh?”

“That-that bang, that loud sound, the fucking-the weird dog, what WAS all that?” Gordon cried. Benrey stared back at him, blank faced. Or at least, Gordon thought they were staring at him. They were faced in his direction. He couldn’t see his eyes, but Gordon had a feeling that even if he could they’d have a vacant look.

“Mmh.” Benrey smacked their lips, still very clearly processing what Gordon was saying. They then cocked their head and shrugged, slow and laconic. “I dunno man, just my passport why’re you making a fuss about it mleh mleh.”

...What the fuck? Was this guy talking about?? Gordon opened his mouth to keep talking, then didn’t say anything. What the _fuck_ was this guy talking about. Jesus fucking Christ.

Ignnoring Darnold’s faint little “Close your mouth Dr. Freeman, you’ll catch flies,” and Benrey’s little snort, Gordon got up slowly.

He then stepped towards the…. _thing_ on the floor cautiously, taking care to go slow and watch out if it was only playing dead and not actually dead. Now that it was dead and Gordon had a chance to look at it other than ducking to save his head, it didn’t seem so scary. Still was fucked up, but looked more like a plucked chicken or turkey with claws and a grudge rather than some poor fucked up dog adjacent experiment. He stepped closer to try and nudge it onto its back to get a better look at the flash of teeth he’d seen when ducking earlier, only to scream and jump back as suddenly it burst into flames. Brilliant blue and white and gold fire greedily ate up the thing, a bright burst that had him blinking green spots out of his eyes. After a pretty hard blink the fire died, and Gordon was shocked to find that there was no corpse, just a sad little blackened spot on the scuffed tiles.

“Jesus Christ, it’s-it’s fucking gone!” Gordon yelped, still in shock about it spontaneously combusting. His mind began to race.

Gordon was a theoretical physicist not a xenobiologist, but that didn’t stop him from trying to analyze and understand what just happened. The thing...alien? The alien was definitely not from earth, so perhaps spontaneously combusting was something that happened when these sorts of creatures died? Maybe the gases built up in the alien similar to how it did in terrestrial creatures when they died, but much quicker and much more explosively? But gas alone shouldn’t have been enough to set it on fire, it needed a trigger, something to react to-maybe there was a sort of spark? Or the gases inside, when they burst, reacted to the oxygen? But then that meant that even a little tear that only injured the creature would cause it to explode, which Gordon knew for a fact didn’t make sense because he had really gone to town with it with his crowbar Crowy and not once during that panic and adrenaline fueled beatdown had it exploded. That reinforced his theory of the gases-

Gordon made a noise in surprise-that was NOT a squeak shut up-as Benrey took his arm and tugged it lightly a few times, like a kid tugging on the arm of their parent to get their attention. Their expression was blankly curious, looking between him and the now burnt corpse of the little shit that had tried to pair with his head.

“Looked like you were thinking real hard. Could, could see the little nerd gears turning...friend. You were uh-muttering, and shit.” Benrey said, in monotone curiosity.

“Indeed you were Gordon! Playcoin for your thoughts?” Coomer asked with a grin. They scooted closer, flopping onto their stomach and then propping their face up with their hands, giving Gordon an expectant look.

Gordon laughed at the change of the classic phrase.

“Play Coin? What is that?”

“No bro, it’s Playcoin, not Play Coin,” said Benrey insistently. Gordon laughed again, laughter sliding into something more confused. 

“There’s literally no difference, I said that the same-Whatever man, I don’t even know.” Gordon snorted and turned back to Coomer. “So what does ‘Playcoin’ mean?”

“Just a fun thing that brings to mind games of my childhood!” Coomer said cheerfully. “It was a mechanic of sorts, of Super Mario Punchout I believe! But back to my question-what exactly were you thinking about Gordon?”

“You are a very expressive man, and the expresions you were making were quite fascinating! If you are comfortable, I would love to hear the thoughts behind them.” Darnold also piped up. Despite the fact that they were literally the polar opposite of expressive when it came to body language, the interest in their voice was as clear as day.

Gordon suddenly realized he had an audience. Bubby was sitting cross legged on the floor, and Tommy was doing this weird squat where his leg was bouncing wildly. Funnily enough, he didn’t seem too bothered by that. Gordon felt more than saw Benrey’s presence still hovering at his elbow, close enough that they were almost touching. Gordon took a moment to idly wonder what it’d feel like if he reached out a bit more.

“Well, I was just thinking about how the headcrabs-”

“Headcrabs?” Bubby cut in. He had an unreadable expression on his face, eyebrows knitted together as he leaned forward a bit more. 

“Well-yeah man, it just, fucking feels right for them, y’know?” Gordon stammered a little, caught off guard by the question. It felt odd, that Bubby was pressing him about that.

“Anyways, I um, can we walk while talking?” Thankfully, the group followed his lead with little grumbling, and soon they were all moving at a fast pace along the corridor. Gordon could have nearly cried with relief at how they were finally making progress again. 

“Thanks… anyways I was thinking about why it caught on fire like that? I’m guessing they’re a byproduct of the Resonance Cascade, slipping in through one of the many portals opening and closing here from that border world, and so-I was thinking that maybe, it was their biology reacting poorly to the near environment and the stress, of, well, getting shot like that?” Gordon talked with his hands, making wide gestures and motions with his hands. 

Darnold made a little noise and opened his mouth as he started to say something, only for Bubby to beat him to it.

“That sounds like utter bullshit Gordon!” Bubby huffed. Gordon was just starting to feel offended until Bubby continued and said the absolutely mind blowing sentence, “It’s impossible! I should know, I lit the damn thing on fire myself.” 

He gaped. Blinked. Stared at Bubby speechlessly until Tommy said, "Close your mouth Mr. Freeman, you-there are a lot of moths around here! I wouldn't want you to choke. :(."

Gordon choked on nothing as he was caught off guard. "I-thanks Tommy? But Bubby's that's absolute BULLSHIT what the fuck are you? Talking about?" He stammered.

Bubby grinned, and touched his fingers to his head. Suddenly, there was a fire burning cheerily away in the middle of the floor, then died away. There wasn't a trace of the fire left. Gordon felt like his brain was going to implode. What the _fuck_. _What the **fuck.**_

"Don't think too hard about it, otherwise your head will explode!" Darnold said, sounding so serious that Gordon couldn't help but laugh. 

"I was made here Gordon, are you really surprised that I can do shit like this?" Bubby asked with a grin. Gordon spluttered out something incomprehensible, then turned away. Okay he was NOT going to think about this. Good God what had Black Mesa been up to down here?!

Next to him, Gordon sensed more than saw Benrey staring intently at his face. He turned with a glare, and they immediately turned away and acted all innocent. He sighed. This still? Okay. Okay! He could deal with this.

“What are you-”

“Oh wow, would you- that, that looks so nice!” Tommy said with a bright smile and raced ahead, and the rest of the team followed quickly with Gordon lagging behind. He ran until he skidded into someone’s back with a grunt.

“Look Gordon, lasers!” Coomer said, pointing helpfully at the glowing red lines cutting through the air. The lasers hissed and popped, the red beams stuttering but never going fully out, and there was an unpleasant smell in the air. He couldn’t quite put a finger on it. It smelled burnt, and seemed to be coming from around the corner.

...It smelled like hair, the more Gordon thought about it. He suddenly didn’t want to keep going. The doubts squirmed and writhed in his stomach, and his headache returned with a vengeance. He didn’t WANT to know the cause of that smell, right now all he wanted to do was to curl up in a little ball and lie down and never get up again and- _and-_

Gordon Freeman needed to get to the surface.

The thought felt almost foreign, and yet his doubts untangled with ease. Gordon Freeman straightened. His head didn’t hurt so bad any more.

“Be careful with these lasers, okay-”

“LAST ONE TO THE ELEVATORS IS A ROTTEN EGG!” Bubby screamed with glee, and just like that the rest of the gang were off like wild firecrackers set loose into a crowd, shouting and sprinting through with wild, reckless abandon.

“I almost died Gordon!” Bubby yelled cheerfully. Gordon felt close to tearing his hair out of pure stress. 

“No, NO why would we RACE??? Please PLEASE be careful-!” He cried, following much more carefully. His pleas fell on deaf ears it seemed, as the others rocketed through. Darnold didn’t even bother ducking their head like the others, running stiff-backed and swift. Good GOD how were these people all still alive.

Gordon ran after them, skidding to a stop as they were all in front of what looked like elevator doors. “What were you people _thinking_?” Gordon cried. “I-holy fucking shit man, is that a burn mark?”

Benrey blinked. It was hard to tell, but they still looked a bit skittish around him. Gordon had no idea why. Was it because he’d been angry earlier…? He never did figure out why he couldn’t remember the cause of that anger, or why they had been unusually quiet. He’d chalked it up to stress, but considering how weird Benrey acted around him and _only_ around him, that had to mean something. Right?

“Whuh?” Benrey almost comically felt around on their helmet, fingers brushing past the black mark on their helmet. “Huh?”

“Holy _shit_ man did you-did you get that from running through there?!” Gordon pointed back at the lasers, and Benrey’s eyes followed his hand, then trailed back up his arm to his face. They shrugged. Gordon laughed a little hysterically.

“Oh my fucking GOD that’s a strong helmet you got there. I-don’t lose it? Wouldn’t want to hurt your head.” He rapped on Benrey’s helmet with his knuckles, orange metal knocking on hard plastic, then brushed past them to the elevator doors. He missed how Benrey blinked and felt their helmet after he touched it, an oddly soft expression on their face.

“Look Gordon, doors!” Coomer said brightly. “We need to progress through here to get our journey of making it out of here properly started!” 

What a weird thing to say. Gordon shook his head, then stepped forward. Something hit the toe of his boot with a soft clang, and Gordon looked down to see a crowbar. It had been painted a darker red a long time ago by the look of it; the paint was chipped and peeling, and the ends had long since been worn away to expose a bright, steel grey. He stooped and picked it up. It had a nice heft to it, and the curved end of the crowbar gleamed in the dim light. Sharp. Would probably make a good weapon. It was strange, but… this crowbar. It felt made for Gordon Freeman. Tailored for him. Like it was made to fit his hands. Gordon shook away the odd thoughts, lowering the crowbar. Crowy seemed like a good name for it. It was right to name your weapons or at least the important weapons, right? That sounded right.

“Stop staring at your crowbar and _use_ it Gordon!” Bubby said grumpily, and Gordon jumped with a little sound. “We can’t be waiting here all day-break those glass doors!”

“Oh yeah-sorry! I’m on it.” Had he really zoned out so bad? His face felt warm as he tossed the crowbar to one hand, stepped closer to the glass doors, then swung at the bottom pane as hard as he could. He then paused. “Wait, shouldn’t we try the elevator first? I don’t think I can swing hard enough to break these doors…”

“I mean, it’s not best to use elevators in emergencies, but-“ Darnold hummed in thought, mouth moving oddly as he hummed. It was kind of weird, how wide they opened their mouth to hum. Gordon hadn’t thought it was even POSSIBLE to hum with your mouth open until Darnold did it. “I guess it should be fine in this instance. What could go wrong?”

With those inspiring words, Gordon pushed the button. There was an ominous grinding sound beyond the doors, and Gordon frowned as the door stubbornly didn’t open, and no elevator appeared.

“Okay, I don’t-OH MY GOD-!” Gordon watched in horror as beyond the doors, the elevator that had been not coming suddenly rushed past the doors, the screams of the scientists trapped inside falling to the bottom in a loud crash. Gordon gaped in horror.

“Oh no, they’re dead!” Darnold cried, stepping back to stand beside Tommy, who patted their shoulder. Benrey looked bored (but that wasn’t new), and Bubby had planted both hands on his hips and seemed to be standing on tiptoes to see what was happening, Gordon couldn’t tell. Coomer just seemed shocked.

“My God Gordon, you just killed a man!” They said in a tone that was far too cheerful for this situation.

“No, no that was an accident, I-I didn’t _mean_ to-!” Gordon blinked hard, holding Crowy so tightly he couldn’t feel his fingers. Blood roared in his ears. He felt light headed, and he desperately wanted to sit down and just-just maybe rock for a bit, run his hands through his hair, try to calm down but-

Gordon Freeman needed to get to the surface.

He straightened. Gordon swallowed, then knelt and broke the glass, humming in an attempt to calm down. He felt less jittery for some reason, but still horrified by what had happened.

“Alright, I’ve broken the glass-but please, PLEASE be fucking careful, don’t fall!” Gordon said, crawling through the hole in the glass.

“We’ll be okay, don’t worry Gordon :)” Tommy said with a smile as he crawled. Gordon held out his hand to help him up and Tommy took it, but didn’t put any weight on it as he stood to his full height. Odd. "I'd be more worried about you, honestly!"

"Why would you feel that?" Gordon asked, glancing sidelong at the other scientist as he stooped next to the hole to usher Bubby through. Tommy shrugged as he started towards the ladder, and Gordon turned help Coomer out. Once again, Coomer like Tommy didn't put any weight on his hand as Gordon pulled him up. As Coomer thanked him and moved past towards the ladder, Gordon couldn't help but wonder about that. Strange. Darnold crouched somewhat stiffly and moved through the hole with ease.

"You've been kinda-kinda jumpy! Probably not healthy, honestly." Tommy said, sounding concerned. His voice also sounded steadily more quiet. What was up with that? Gordon turned back towards the ladder and looked up. He stared with wide eyes as the rest just moved upwards so effortlessly, practically flying. 

"Holy shit, they're just flying up.." He whispered in awe. 

"Hey man." Benrey said suddenly, way too close, and Gordon yelped and stepped back-

Except there was nothing there. Nothing but air. Benrey looked alarmed-probably hadn't meant to startle him THAT badly, but Gordon was firmly not caring about that anymore as he screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAHHHH END NOTES!! while updates will most likely still be sporadic, imma try to set up a posting schedule. i think... no matter how long it takes me to do it, i WILL finish this fic i prommy <3
> 
> OH ALSO!! HERE'S A MASTERPOST TO ALL THE LOVELY ART AND CONTENT OTHERS HAVE MADE FOR THIS AU PLEASE GO CHECK THEM OUT IT'S SO COOL... yall are AWESOME thank you to all those who have created content for this au you guys are awesome <:') masterpost link:  
> https://asthecrowrambles.tumblr.com/post/637604161334198272/multiplayer-au-masterpost-new-and-updated
> 
> also i have a dtiys going rn for this au!! feel free to join if you want :D it would be super cool to see what you create! dtiys link:  
> https://asthecrowrambles.tumblr.com/post/639094817763328000/hlvrai-dtiys-time-of-multiplayer-au-bc-i-want

**Author's Note:**

> if you want more content for this au, especially in art, check out my tumblr @asthecrowrambles!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Everything You Ever Wanted](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24578848) by [phantomthief_fee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomthief_fee/pseuds/phantomthief_fee)
  * [Formatting Errors](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24594271) by [anurasally (Angelcroc)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelcroc/pseuds/anurasally)
  * [Variable Not Assigned](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24852529) by [Impernia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impernia/pseuds/Impernia)




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